and My Journey to Becoming a Minimalist
Has the thought that you spend just a little too much on shopping ever crossed your mind?
Maybe it has, maybe it hasn't. But if you're making a great income and you're still living paycheck to paycheck, there's a good chance that there's something you splurge on just a little too often.
Here's an Overspending Shopping Quiz to Help You Know:
Do you have clothes in your closet that still have the tags on them?
Have you run out of closet and drawer space?
Do you hide things from your partner and bring them out slowly so they won't notice you've bought something new?
Has your "collection" of owls, penguins, frogs, or other cute little animal themes taken over all of your shelf space?
How often do you buy something because you can't remember whether or not you need it, only to come home and find that you already have two of them?
Are you frustrated that you're finally making a decent income but you're still struggling financially, living paycheck to paycheck?
If you relate to a few or all of these questions like I once did, I can help you learn how to stop overspending.
Here's the thing, though. You have to be ready. You have to know you have a behavior that you want to change and that you're ready to do something about it to get your life - and your finances - on a better track. You can stop overspending!
How do I know it's possible? Because I was a materialistic, unsatisfied person until I was about 40 years old.
The drive to have a big house in a fancy neighborhood was an obsession for me. And I did finally get that big house, with a pool, and even a home theatre.
I spent 5 years in that big house and they were the most unhappy years I ever had in a home. I spent every weekend cleaning the house, cleaning the pool, shopping for furniture and decorations to fill it up.
It was a money pit. And the marriage that put me in that big house was doomed from the start.
My Shopping Problem
My relationship with consumerism was toxic. Sure, I knew how to manage financial matters - I was "book smart" and was good at math.
But when you're playing the game of "Keeping Up with the Joneses", there's no end in sight. Nothing was enough to satisfy me. Someone always had more - a bigger house, a nicer car, nicer clothes, and on and on.
It was after my divorce in 2004, when I moved to a small house that I could afford on my own, that a huge transformation took place.
I didn't seek this transformation out. It happened slowly over the course of a year or two. But my life was forever changed when I confronted my materialism and my relationship with money.
What makes us materialistic to the point that we develop the habit of overspending?
Psychological Reasons for Overspending
There are many psychological reasons for overspending. Here are just a few:
Peer pressure
Billion dollar big brand advertising budgets that are in front of us all day every day
Emotional spending - it works like emotional eating
Addiction. Yes, shopping can be an addiction just like drugs and alcohol
Boredom
Lack of financial literacy
Not tracking/budgeting money every month
Growing up in a family that values proving your worth by how you dress, what car you drive, and what size house you live in
The book "Your Money or Your Life" was one of the first things that opened my mind to how dysfunctional my relationship with money and material things was.
The book is full of questions that help you look at your spending habits and challenges you to do some easy math on just how much you've spent over the course of your lifetime.
As I took inventory of closets full of clothes, more shoes than one person could ever wear, multiple closets stuffed with holiday decorations, a kitchen with duplicates of everything you could possibly need... I started to feel embarrassed.
This time just happened to coincide with another book I was reading with a group. It was about children in Africa and the hardships they endure. They weren't dealing with houses full of "stuff", but malnutrition and disease. It was the perfect storm of a wake-up call for me.
I'll never forget a day I when was sick, too sick to drive myself to the doctor. My dad came over to drive me. He offered to get some shoes out of my closet for me and asked which ones I wanted. "The black ones," I answered.
He brought me a pair of black shoes. I said, "Oh, no, I meant the other black ones." He brought me another pair that weren't the ones I meant. After bringing the third pair of black shoes that weren't the ones I had in mind, I got out of bed to go to my closet.
I was shocked, and embarrassed, to see just how many pairs of black shoes I had.
Black pumps, black heels, black flats, black ankle boots, black knee boots, black loafers, black sandals, black flip-flops.
Even more embarrassing was that I had the same number of shoes and boots in brown along with a variety of other colors.
That's my oldest memory of "something's got to change".
And that moment set off a chain of events, books, lectures, client meetings, new friends, sermons, and self-discovery that led me to where I am now.
At my core, I knew I was a deeply unhappy person but I couldn't understand why. It wasn't until I understood that I was living and spending to satisfy someone else's values - not my own.
Today, my spending is so under control that friends think I'm a little too frugal haha
It's not easy to confront our behavior. But if you have a feeling deep-down that something's not right in your life, that something needs to change, there's a good chance it has to do with money. Or debt.
Debt
I've never been afraid of it. So naturally, I carried credit card debt and my superpower was credit card balance surfing so that I didn't have to pay monthly interest on the debt. Sure, I'd pay an upfront 3% fee, but that would stop the super-high interest rates the card companies were charging. The rates they charge now are double compared to 2004!
I came up with a plan of my own to pay those cards off. It took a few years, but I did it and it felt great!
Through identifying my own values for living and how I was spending my money, I've been able to get out of the 9 to 5 rat race, buy a motorhome, and travel the country working remotely with my two dogs. That's what I value. Not a closet full of black shoes.
If you need help getting out of credit card debt, join other readers and get the LESS MONEY STRESS Newsletter delivered to your inbox once a week.
It's loaded with inspiration, education, and motivation to get out of debt!
More Resources for Overspending
If you suspect that your issues with money may be more serious, please ask yourself these questions. Keep in mind that these questions are not a diagnostic tool.
If you have concerns about your shopping habits and know it is damaging your life, it's advisable to seek professional advice from a mental health professional or counselor.
Do you experience guilt, anxiety, or regret after making a purchase?
How often do you shop online, especially during times when you should be focusing on work, school, or other responsibilities?
Do you feel a sense of excitement or relief when making a purchase?
Have your shopping habits negatively impacted your financial well-being or created debt?
Have you ever tried to cut back on your shopping but found it difficult to do so?
How often do you find yourself thinking about shopping, even when you're not actively engaged in it?
Do you often make unplanned purchases, especially when you're feeling stressed or upset?
Please know there is help available when you're ready to Improve your relationship with money. Be proactive about finding the right expert to work with.
Don't know where to start? Book a FREE 30 minutes phone call with Karla HERE
Check out my video playlist on credit card debt here on my TikTok account.
I highly recommend https://theholisticpsychologist.com/ for resources on healing from psychological trauma of all kinds.
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